I want my piece of the Future!

Well, quite frankly, I am a little disappointed...no, make that disgusted. All those 1950's optimistic predictions of the future have not turned out to be correct at all. You've seen them in the old black-and-white news reels and in museum exhibits: announcers excitedly heralding a new age of technology. Full of confidence after winning World War II and having learned how to split the atom and put rockets in space, there was no end of inventions that could be created to make life easier and more productive.

I'm not talking about cool, fun gadgets like the Ipod, Tivo, or HDTV - I'm talking about things that would radically change my whole life for the better. Where is that machine from "The Jetsons" that will brush my teeth, shower and shave me, and dress me in clean clothes that actually match? Where is that cheerful robot who will cook my meals and clean my house without asking me when I am going to mow the lawn? Where is my flying car that can bypass the perpetual construction zone that is the Illinois Tollway System?

I'm not asking for fantastical stuff like underwater cities or eating a pill that contains a whole meal's worth of nutrition. Just give me more than the Segway* and the Roomba (whose greatest contribution to date is a rather risque "Saturday Night Live" parody commercial).

Somehow, somewhere, smart people are dropping the ball here. I mean, if the guys in "The Big Bang Theory" were like, real, and not so intent on scoring with women, I am sure we would have a great new, affordable mode of transportation in no time. Let's divert the hundreds of millions of dollars invested in the war between the Iphone, the Blackberry, and the Palm Pre and make something truly revolutionary. (But then again, that wouldn't be as interesting to the readers of US magazine or TMZ watchers, so maybe I proved my own point here.)

You might logically ask "Then, why aren't you doing anything about this, Greg?" Well, I have neither the limitless budget, the access to resources, and there are probably some new pictures up today on awkwardfamilyphotos.com that I have to go check out now. (Plus, isn't that the purpose of blogs in the first place - to write some snarky, condescending comments about people who actually do things?)

* - Full disclosure: I have ridden the Segway and it is really quite nifty - but an invention that is featured prominently in "Paul Blart, Mall Cop" is probably not going to become anything more than a pleasant historical footnote (see: the Wacky Wall-Walker, wristwatch calculators, and electric cars...oh, wait a minute...).